Had lost my blog ID - n happy to find it
Had lot to say - but lost that too
Will find some thing new to say :)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Lost and Found
Had lost my blog ID - n happy to find it
Had lot to say - but lost that too
Will find some thing new to say :)
Monday, July 18, 2011
Just be ...
Its difficult to just be. It is difficult not to think of reactions, it is it is difficult to not let them affect. I am not all good and don't want to be either
I realise the more i try to harm less, the more do i harm. A step of mine will either crush the wild flowers or the straw of grass or the pebbles. so what i do not walk or do i walk the same path everyone does so that i will 'destroy' less. even if my heart is not in the journey everyone else takes
how much one need to think , why one thing is important then the other. Why i don't need to think of a coffee but need to think of my smile.
It feels like the only emotion i am in touch with these days is fear and that absorbs everything else from reaching me.
Some one said don't think just be - its true because that what ever i do will have a reaction to it.
The more i hold the more i die, the more i let go the more i kill
only if i din't exist- or shoudl i just be - then why think
I realise the more i try to harm less, the more do i harm. A step of mine will either crush the wild flowers or the straw of grass or the pebbles. so what i do not walk or do i walk the same path everyone does so that i will 'destroy' less. even if my heart is not in the journey everyone else takes
how much one need to think , why one thing is important then the other. Why i don't need to think of a coffee but need to think of my smile.
It feels like the only emotion i am in touch with these days is fear and that absorbs everything else from reaching me.
Some one said don't think just be - its true because that what ever i do will have a reaction to it.
The more i hold the more i die, the more i let go the more i kill
only if i din't exist- or shoudl i just be - then why think
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Memories of communication
It feels rather strange to even write about this. What could be just a change of hand set (Cellphone) to some is something else to someone.
i recently had to change my handset. As i didn't want to loose more data i quickly switched form my old to new handset and transferred the contact list. I don't change hand sets too often. So the last one i have been using for about 3 years now. I feel they were the most remarkable years of my life and i could see myself grow as a person, build more associations. i have moved miles closer to being Me. Stopped worrying about what others want me to be. and there are hundreds of communication with some and many, who have brought me where i stand today. Much at peace, much happier.
Many communications which make this part of 'my story' were trapped in that small device we all call Phone. Cell phones have become such a source of communication that this one with which i was parting, still held so much of information, things i would still go back to and ponder on, a text which made me smile, an angry word not yet buried, 'Just the care' needed in time, last communication with the friend i lost an appreciation which made me think world of me and many more ...
To retain all that, which was important enough for me, i made all the efforts to transfer the text history but without any success. i held the handset for days, till finally when i had to take a call on it and discard.
Today finally i was pushed to reformat it and erase all of that, though something someone said, made me over come almost an traumatic situation :) - Let it go, the experience of those moments will always be with you - isn't it!
YES IT IS and the the people who made them are still with me. I look forward to creation of those new moments with them ...with us
i recently had to change my handset. As i didn't want to loose more data i quickly switched form my old to new handset and transferred the contact list. I don't change hand sets too often. So the last one i have been using for about 3 years now. I feel they were the most remarkable years of my life and i could see myself grow as a person, build more associations. i have moved miles closer to being Me. Stopped worrying about what others want me to be. and there are hundreds of communication with some and many, who have brought me where i stand today. Much at peace, much happier.
Many communications which make this part of 'my story' were trapped in that small device we all call Phone. Cell phones have become such a source of communication that this one with which i was parting, still held so much of information, things i would still go back to and ponder on, a text which made me smile, an angry word not yet buried, 'Just the care' needed in time, last communication with the friend i lost an appreciation which made me think world of me and many more ...
To retain all that, which was important enough for me, i made all the efforts to transfer the text history but without any success. i held the handset for days, till finally when i had to take a call on it and discard.
Today finally i was pushed to reformat it and erase all of that, though something someone said, made me over come almost an traumatic situation :) - Let it go, the experience of those moments will always be with you - isn't it!
YES IT IS and the the people who made them are still with me. I look forward to creation of those new moments with them ...with us
Monday, April 11, 2011
Keep It Simple Stupid ( Silly - i heard is more 'acceptable')
some one said that to me long time back, about some one. Interestingly in those days i was simple enough to for anyone to say that to me.
Recently have been toiling over creating my on space, wanting to feel the air under my wings and wanting to fly. always cribbing around how things have not been working. Trying really hard for those who know i am when i mean it. But still not being able to make it happen for myself.
Made mistakes and learnt from them - but still being pulled down all the time for the same. not finding space and time to make it to the run way to fly.
Though the thought had often crossed me - that there is something wrong in the way i am thinking - i just have to believe it, i just have to do it - no amount of preparation, explaining others was anyway going to help. I have to do it myself. But like the salt in the food there was something missing. Now over years it is getting to a point of frustration and twitching between belief and disbelief in things hope and despair.
Till this morning i saw this video;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo0Cazxj_yc
being always excited about adventure and sports it was exciting and it just got me thinking- how come people can do it or even imagine that something like this is possible - Walking on water ??
just then i realized what i was doing to my own dreams, its not about the plans one makes, its not about figuring out how it works, its just Simple FLY
all the acts in this video were for possible (for me) because they just believed it can be done and i guess that is all I needed to know this morning.
To all those who i believe in and who have helped me believe in ME
Recently have been toiling over creating my on space, wanting to feel the air under my wings and wanting to fly. always cribbing around how things have not been working. Trying really hard for those who know i am when i mean it. But still not being able to make it happen for myself.
Made mistakes and learnt from them - but still being pulled down all the time for the same. not finding space and time to make it to the run way to fly.
Though the thought had often crossed me - that there is something wrong in the way i am thinking - i just have to believe it, i just have to do it - no amount of preparation, explaining others was anyway going to help. I have to do it myself. But like the salt in the food there was something missing. Now over years it is getting to a point of frustration and twitching between belief and disbelief in things hope and despair.
Till this morning i saw this video;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo0Cazxj_yc
being always excited about adventure and sports it was exciting and it just got me thinking- how come people can do it or even imagine that something like this is possible - Walking on water ??
just then i realized what i was doing to my own dreams, its not about the plans one makes, its not about figuring out how it works, its just Simple FLY
all the acts in this video were for possible (for me) because they just believed it can be done and i guess that is all I needed to know this morning.
To all those who i believe in and who have helped me believe in ME
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
'Eyes only'
Recently i was out again traveling and at an interesting country side. The most interesting of it was the mountains rising from flat lands forming plateau and into become part of the magnificent Western Ghats.
All mornings i went for a long walk, challenging myself on most of the available mornings. I enjoyed the smell of the wood the perfume of the earth, the bird cheer, at intervals disturbed by honking horns of the trucks. It was just nice being in that place, just sensing the place at it is. having a peep at the lives of the people in the village, seeing their morning routines with herds and water and ...
Till one day as i was crossing the gate, on to the road, the sky followed by the highlighted mountains caught my attention. Photography being one of passions, i went back to the room to get my cam. And sure the batteries had run down. I went back to change them with another set and they were uncharged too.
On my return i made sure that i keep one set to charge over nite and so did i. next day morning the sky was even nicer, more deeper and just the right amount of light when i started. completely excited i went with my camera looking forward to capturing all the sights i had seen over days. Already looking forward to changing the picture on my desktop. I was glad to start early and be able to capture the rising crescendo of light over those splendorous mountains.
I opened the cap of the lance, looked at this dry, dark long tree behind which a rising deep peach light glowed the sky followed by ruffled clouds and the mountain in their profile. I pushed my finger over the 'on' button and bang came the message 'batteries exhausted' :)
for a moment i felt dam! but just the next site took the negativity away and i remembered words of my good friend who once said, Some sites are for 'Eyes Only'
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The precious ice
I love mornings, sinking into a big chair and having this big mug of coffee, the news playing in background and I doing my own thing, not too much of conversation ….Just the perfect morning for me.
What often irritates me is my pestering maid calling me for every other thing and for sure, they will never come up but expect me to go to them. I guess I have a habit of spoiling people. So like most odd days today morning she pestered me for something and I know it would not be too important and I continued ironing. I ignored the call the first time around, the second time and then I heard she saying ‘but if I keep it on the platform it will be all water water everywhere’. It drew my curiosity, as to what will ooze water, and what is she talking about.
Yes it was ice, some extra vessels of ice I had drawn out of deep fridge to wash, but what seemed unimportant to me, was so precious to her. The pestering brought back some memories of how life has changed and we just let it pass by.
Very early in life, my working mom had felt the need of fridge, we often had neighbors coming for ice if someone was ill in the house. We as children used to feel very important by sharing ‘our’ ice. I remember how it became quite a issue of fight in the house when people started asking for ice for cooling water in summer. But with more and most houses having fridge, over years I had lost its importance, it was just a thing like …………………..? Hey, can’t think of what, first I thought sugar, but no would not throw sugar, may be like water.
Interesting what a brick of ice could do to my morning, it took me to my childhood and my amazing memories with my sister
I feel she and I will remember this throwing of ice for a little too long then just looking at it an errand in the morning……….
Have a great day :)
What often irritates me is my pestering maid calling me for every other thing and for sure, they will never come up but expect me to go to them. I guess I have a habit of spoiling people. So like most odd days today morning she pestered me for something and I know it would not be too important and I continued ironing. I ignored the call the first time around, the second time and then I heard she saying ‘but if I keep it on the platform it will be all water water everywhere’. It drew my curiosity, as to what will ooze water, and what is she talking about.
Yes it was ice, some extra vessels of ice I had drawn out of deep fridge to wash, but what seemed unimportant to me, was so precious to her. The pestering brought back some memories of how life has changed and we just let it pass by.
Very early in life, my working mom had felt the need of fridge, we often had neighbors coming for ice if someone was ill in the house. We as children used to feel very important by sharing ‘our’ ice. I remember how it became quite a issue of fight in the house when people started asking for ice for cooling water in summer. But with more and most houses having fridge, over years I had lost its importance, it was just a thing like …………………..? Hey, can’t think of what, first I thought sugar, but no would not throw sugar, may be like water.
Interesting what a brick of ice could do to my morning, it took me to my childhood and my amazing memories with my sister
I feel she and I will remember this throwing of ice for a little too long then just looking at it an errand in the morning……….
Have a great day :)
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